


Let It Be

by AlleiraDayne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Brothers, Death, Dreams, Father's Day, Gen, Mother's Day, Nightmares, PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 13:33:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18477253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlleiraDayne/pseuds/AlleiraDayne
Summary: Sam has a dream on Father's Day.





	Let It Be

**Author's Note:**

> For SPN Broment Bingo, the first square I'm filling is Father's Day. The line in bold is for a different challenge on tumblr.

__

 

_Let it be_.

Sam lunged, arms stretched and fingers reaching. She was so close, if only he could catch her, move a little further, a little faster. Then Mary might not leave them.

_Let it be._

John stood beside her but appeared a million miles away, the same as she. With all his might, Sam leaped, desperate to catch a hand, an arm, a shoulder. Despite his best effort, he fell well short of John’s feet.

_Let it be, Sam._

“Sam.”

Darkness faded to the yellow lamplight of the Library as Sam opened his eyes.

“Hey. You alright?”

He cocked an eyebrow as he lifted his head from the book upon which he had fallen asleep. Dean sat across from him with his own pile of books strewn across the library table between them. Sam checked over his shoulder and scanned the room before he looked back to Dean. “Who are you talking to?”

A flat stare thinned his lips as Dean chastised him without a word. “I'm asking you if you're alright.”

Define “alright”, he wanted to say. Define “okay”. Define “good”. Sure, Sam had woken up that morning. He'd gotten out of bed, showered, eaten breakfast. But none of that meant anything. None of that meant he was “alright”. He functioned. Simple as that.

“I'm fine.”

From flat stare to glower, Dean's face contorted. “You’re not.”

Sam snorted through his nose as he turned to his laptop beside his book, still searching for Jack. “What makes you say that?”

“Because normally, you’re the one pestering me about my feelings,” Dean started. “And I haven’t heard a peep out of you. Hell, you haven’t even looked at me funny all day. I know you weren’t going to let Mother’s Day go by this year without doing something about it, but I’d hoped you’d forget today was Father’s Day.”

Without diverting his attention Sam said, “I was trying to ignore it. And I figured you might enjoy the peace and quiet for once.”

He immediately regretted that statement. Dean's face fell, a subtle wince accompanying his words. “Wow. Sorry I asked. I’ll leave you alone,” he said as he stood and picked up a stack of books.

Sam considered letting him go. He wanted to be alone but hadn’t the heart to tell Dean that all week. Whenever he holed up in his room, Dean intruded, and Sam knew it was not out of disrespect but out of concern. Out of worry. Out of love.

“Wait,” Sam started as he stood. “Just… wait a minute.”

Dean froze at the end of the table, the books teetering in his hands. “If you need space, Sam, just say it. I won’t like it, but… I’ll get over it.”

Christ. “Here,” Sam said as he took the books from Dean and returned them to the table. He sat on its edge with one leg propped up and the other foot on the floor. “I realize I haven’t talked much since… since—”

“Since Mom died. You have to say it, Sam. She’s gone,” Dean stated.

“I know,” Sam growled as if he could scare away his tears. “I know she’s dead. But… for fuck’s sake, we’ve been through this before. Why is it so hard?”

“Dude,” Dean started as he clapped him on the shoulder, “that was thirty-six years ago. Hell, I barely remember it. About all I can see in my head is baby-you, in my arms, and the front lawn. Maybe the house on fire, but that’s it. And you were a freakin’ baby.”

True. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be stronger. He wiped at his face as he sniffed. “God, **what was I thinking?** Oh, Mom’s back, she’ll hunt with us, it’ll be awesome, we’ll be a family again. So stupid. We always knew this might happen.”

“Hey,” Dean said as he stepped in front of him, both shoulders clasped. “Look at me.” He waited until Sam lifted his gaze to meet his. “I’ve been down that road. I used to think the same thing after Dad took off for the Colt and Azazel. I used to think that if we found him, and all three of us were together, we’d be like the freakin’ Partridges again. But you and I both know that is the opposite of what happened.”

He had a point. “I know,” Sam started. “Doesn’t make it any easier. I miss her, Dean. And I hate that there’s nothing we can do. How many times have we cheated death? Why does she only get to do it once? How is that fair?”

Dean pulled him into a hug the likes of which Sam had felt so few times in their lives. “It’s not, Sam. It ain’t fair at all.”

“And Dad,” Sam continued, his frustration taking control as he clung to Dean, “to have him back for a couple hours. As amazing as it was, I don’t know if it was worth the pain. Jesus, this year sucks. Worst Father’s Day ever.”

“It is,” Dean agreed. “But we’ll do what we’ve always done. Keep fighting.”

Sam sighed as the weight of the world sat heavy on his shoulders. “Why? Haven’t we fought enough? Haven’t we sacrificed enough?”

“More than enough, enough for ten people,” Dean said. “But we’ve still got a lot of work to do.”

Sam pushed back from Dean as he wiped his face once more. Dean had a point. Again. They had to find Jack before he hurt anyone else. “You’re right. It's just… so damn hard right now.”

“It’ll get easier,” Dean said as he rounded the table for his seat. “I promise. We’ll find the kid and… do whatever we need to do to make this right.”

_Make this right_. Sam couldn’t help but think the worst.

When would anything ever be right again?

And then he remembered his dream and Mary's words.

_Let it be._

What little of his faith remained he placed in her words. As he looked across the table once more, Sam knew he had no other choice. He had to keep fighting.

For Dean.


End file.
